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LINGON
BERRY
AVAL
ANCHE
This is a world of dreams and reverie, where I felt the stars explode around me. A grass blade flashed with a gleam as it slashed open a moonbeam, and I stared back breathlessly. As mountains of fruit tumbled out, I barely had the chance to shout; a lingonberry avalanche crashed over me.
.

title: できる...か?
Saturday, 12 April 2008 AT 11:57 am


What is going to happen now? I don't even know what is happening to my life at this point.
I'm actually looking forward to school nowadays, which is totally freaky. But at least there I can talk and laugh and bullshit with all my friends, and feel appreciated and happy for once. At home, I'm just a depressed walking zombie. Sure, I talk with people and laugh at jokes and everything, but I don't really mean it.

Sometimes I'm thankful that my states of depression are not easily detectable.
People at school will wig out and be all concerned, which I don't exactly want to happen. I hate making my friends worried, even though I come across as someone who thrives on attention. My parents will probably try to psychoanalyse me and then sit me down for a huge nag, which doesn't help any of course, hell it just makes me even more depressed. I have no wish to be hauled off and scrutinised by a shrink.
If only they all knew what goes on inside my head, boy, I would likely be spending the rest of my pathetic life inside a padded cell.

I've just realised that everything I type is turning out to be extremely cynical and erratic and borderline psychotic. I'm backspacing like mad, ergo, you have a short post. And my thoughts are all inconsistent, though luckily not (yet) incoherent.
The pressure and shit is killing me, making me so nauseous. Plus I already have a headache somewhere in the left region of my skull. Maybe I do need some professional help after all. Because the alternative is that I'm pregnant, which is bullshit.

PS. Welcome back, Daddy!
And thankyou for the new phone, even though it just increases my headache frequency.
Love you anyway!

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