哇~~~ 天阿，这一阵子不知道为什么，总是觉得很累。
好想好想让一切都结束。
感觉上好像快要撑不住、快要崩溃。

我怕，但又能怎样？
我累，但不可能休息吧？
我想逃，但还是会被追到。
我想躲，但世界不会为了我而停下来。
我再怎么大声地喊、喊到喉咙被撕破 流血不止，还是会被忽略。

这一切，我都知道，因为我了解，这世界就是如此残忍、绝情。
知道不等于接受。 可是不接受又如何？ 单凭一个人的力量，根本就无法改变什么。 况且，我到底想要改变些什么，连自己也不太清楚。 只是知道在这种环境里，我完全无法生存。

这一来，我真的会很害怕；如此虚弱的我、可又是如此的年轻呀！ 接下来的漫长日子还多得很，要我怎么能坚强、独立、勇敢、成功地活下去，创下属于自己的美好人生呢？

I've got Ajoo's Wealthy 2nd Generation in my head. On replay. Damn.
He sounds gayish but then again almost everyone does after months of only Big Bang. (There goes my blatant favouritism.) And his name still sounds stupidly like a virtual sneeze of sorts. But who really gives a flying turd? He's got a hot body, and looks like a cross between Vanness Wu, Hero Jaejoong and possibly Se7en. Google him.

Okay, I really need to get that blasted catchy chorus out of my head. And of course, I know the perfect song to replace it with.
Here, sing along as well, Super Junior's 쏘리 쏘리 (Sorry Sorry):

So addictive, and it overrode Ajoo, like I expected it too. Now I have Super Junior going "shori shori shori" in my head now HAHA.



ANYWAY, ALL THAT BLABBERING WAS NOT THE POST OF THIS POST AT ALL.

This is the third day that I'm stuck home now, and I'm really bored.
Just my luck for getting glandular fever. I hate being ill; I always end up looking really frail and breakble for at least a whole week afterwards. So I was down with sore throat last last week, and I didn't go in to college, and the same happened this week.
I'd already started feeling out of sorts on Mother's Day (Sunday), and by Monday it just got to the point where I didn't feel up to trekking all the way to college (again). And on Tuesday as well.
It was all fever and alternating between hot spells and cold chills and feeling dizzy and swollen throat glands. I was basically croaking like a frog.
And then this morning my dad woke me up at 10, saying he'd booked an appointment at the doctor's for me at 11. Fine, I thought, just when I was getting better. So I found out that I'd been infected with the glandular fever virus, and now I'm supposed to stay home and drink lots of liquids and eat vitamins.
Whee, the joy.

That's it, end of rant. I might go on a Lord of the Rings marathon now, like I do when I fall sick and do nothing but lie around on my opium bed feeling miserable and contemplating slitting.
Hopefully that cheers me up, but if not, Big Bang should do the trick. Byebye.

Can I really help it if the comms coursework essay deadline for our class was supposed to be today, and I'm too ill to go in? And before you ask, can I help it if my completed essay is in my college network work area and Ranger Outpost isn't working so I can't access my folders to email it to Steve?
Good god this is driving me nuts. I've been trying to log in since I woke up and forced breakfast down my throat (about 12-ish). And the damn thing still isn't working!

I'm so aggravated that I'm reading Xiaxue's blog and watching her Guide To Life videos, which everyone knows is basically made of bullshit and general bimbotic behaviour. And really bad English (Becks, you should watch 'em).
But it's also got bitchiness, more than enough of it to make me feel better about my situation. It's working, partially, I just find myself rolling my eyes every 4 seconds or so. Mindless entertainment, as they say?

Oh, and before that I was YouTubing Family Outing. Now that was some good stuff.
I finally finished the 2 eps where T.O.P was the guest; it was amazingly funny. I love that boy, I swear if I ever go to Korea, I'll walk around trying to find him (and the rest of Big Bang) *hides due to embarassing fangirl behaviour*
I'm watching backwards now; went through G-Dragon's 2nd ep because I couldn't find the 1st one on ramensoupsubs and now halfway through Rain's.
What a Laugh Fest. I need to hunt down Yunho & Junsu's, Cha Taehyun's, possibly Hongki & Taeyeon's, and maybe Yoona's. So much to do! :D
I'm off, might not be in college tomorrow either if I can get away with it. Oh yeah~

The Real You

Results:

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.
You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.
Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?
Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.


Get to know yourself better

Results:

Your view on yourself: Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education: You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.
The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.


It actually scares me, how true most of this stuff is. How did they know?? :O