About five more minutes to go till the new year :)

Tbph, I'm not sorry to see 2009 go. Looking back, I can only say its been a year full of shitty feelings or maybe its because I'm feeling kind of shitty now heh. I don't think I accomplished anything worth mentioning, college has mostly been mediocre, family relations have just gone down the drain, too much fuck ups happened in fandom, and basically I feel like I've just accumulated a whole lot of negative feelings/emotions/karma/energy. Urgh. I'm sincerely hoping they don't get carried forward to the next year.

On the other hand, the good things that occured this year...
I got to know who my real mates (both online & rl) are, friends in college have mostly been absolute sweethearts, and I've also never been more actively involved in fandom. Most of which only served to highlight the bad things mentioned above now I think about it, but hell, they were the only good times that I've experienced this year, if anything. Oh, and also, I pwned the rest of my family at mahjong just now during our last game of the year /flicks hair

A simplified list of resolutions:

• Embrace new changes that are coming, because there are bound to be some around the corner
• Give my best in college; I've only got to endure for a while more before uni & freedom
• Stop being so fucking pessimistic
• Spend more time with family (or at least make more of an attempt to); we'll be seperated once I go off to uni and they are y'know, family after all
• Accept what I cannot change, and also the fact that perfection is only a matter of perception
• Errr...lose weight..? LMAO

So people, a new year is upon us. It doesn't guarantee better times or less tribulations or easier shit to go through. It does however, give us time and a fresh start. I know it's a lot coming from a melodramatic, emotional, dysfunctional, bitchy character like me, but keep your chins up darlings; I'll at least be here for you guys.

2010 is upon all of us. C'mon Cat, its time to shine. ♥
HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y'ALL! 8D

^click to be linked to article

OHMAIGOD I'M WELL CHUFFED.
The boys looking amazing & Wooyoungie holding pigrabbit OBSERVE THIS:

Junho with soft curls holding a bulldog looking all happy and prection and squish and small next to Chansung. I cannot adore this boy more ♥_____________♥


/edit:




HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OK TAECYEON, RESIDENT SEXY BEAST OF 2PM!
(& me of course, since we share the same bday, but everyone already knows that lol)

Last day to pass till I'm twenty.

So I found these errr support groups online for people who have a phobia of their twentieth birthdays. Guess I can't have been the only one huh. I suppose it doesn't really make sense to most people for me to say that I've been scared of birthdays ever since I turned nineteen last year. They'd likely slap me upside the head, tell me that "life starts at twenty-one", and send me away with an order to enjoy youth.

Whatever, I'm still apprehensive. I don't think I've accomplished anything worthwhile at all during my teenage years. Been through quite a lot of shit, yes, but actually do stuff worth mentioning in a bucket list, nope don't think so. And it really saddens me. What makes it even sadder is that if I had the chance to do it over again, I reckon I might not have enough strength and determination to face it all one more time. Who said that you get stronger as you grow? I think its the opposite for me; I'm on the brink of having existed for two decades now, but I feel weaker than ever. I've never had so many emotional battles with myself before, never had to second-think my decisions so much before, never felt such dissatisfaction with my life before. To be perfectly honest (and only because nobody really reads this blog for real anymore), I've never contemplated suicide more in a single year before either. I've even gone so far as to plan ending everything on my twentieth as well. Yeah I know I'm a melodramatic little shit.

& I'm not trying to sound like a whiny tween fucktard either, but life really is crap atm. College, friends, family, love, the future; I have no idea why things look so bleak. (tapping on Blake ideas) Is it because I'm losing Innocence and gaining Experience instead? Either way I look at things, it feels like I'm fucked. Who's going to tell me what I should do? Maybe they're right and I do need professional help after all.

Urgh shup Cat, I hate sounding so emo because people will only think its fake and that you're trying to attract attention and whatnot. I just read the entire post back and even I think it sounds fake. Only its not. Wtf why am I even attempting to explain things? D:<

I wish I were pretty.
I wish I were less insecure.
I wish I could love myself so that others could love me too.
I wish I were less wishful.

Time to clear out random pictures in my phone!
Somehow they're all food-related, LOL.

I'm going to minispam with my favourite 2PM boys to make myself feel better.













Jaebeom needs to come back to Junho's side :(

Yeah, I needed a change. Like it?




I'm tired. It feels like I'm watching my life unravel. Falling apart at the seams.
Who can hold it all together for me?